I Love Her
I love you, you piece of shit. I do. But you know what - you have, like, no fucking idea how in love I was with you when I was 19. I was so madly in love, you don’t even know. I swear to God no man on Earth would love a woman as much as I did you when I was 19. And don’t you fucking think it was obsession or infatuation, no. I’m not - you’re lucky enough to even have me be in love with you. You don’t deserve any of it. The problem right now is that - there isn’t even one fucking bone in my body that’s attracted to you. I’m not attracted to you! I look at you and I feel like I want to puke. I recognize that you’re pretty and all but I’m not attracted to you… and you know what’s sad? I am madly in love with you… every time I look at you I feel like I want to puke but I don’t because I find you absolutely gorgeous - you’re the most beautiful thing I know and I want you so bad. You see, this is what I have to constantly go through with you. I’m always contradicting myself. I love you but I want to punch you. I want to kiss you but I want to choke you. I fucking love you so much, it’s tearing me apart.
- Nasser Al-Fozaie
I was once called delusional by someone most dear to me and for some reason, I took it as a sincere compliment. I’m an irrational person; I’m spontaneous and devilishly romantic. I tell myself to think logically rather than under impulse but I don’t… because it’s not me. I’m not very frantic, though. I’m quite nonchalant because I don’t let things harsh my mellow easily. I contradict myself all the time but I always know who I am and what I want. I am truly delusional, yes. I don’t see things the way they are. Rather, I see them the way I want to. I explore the fringes of reality; the fringes of my inabilities and if something does not seem realistic to people, I’m not bothered. It is because of my delusive state of mind, I have managed to achieve personal success, unparalleled bliss and self-acceptance. I am indeed delusional in the eyes of many and I will continue to dare to defy. It is my delusion that drives me towards my goals, my happiness, and you…
I remember watching Beach House live with a girl who I thought was cool. I seriously regret taking her because half the time I was concerned with whether or not she was having a good time… she did look good at one point under the hazy glow of laser meets dry ice. There was this one time I was watching Grimes on stage, front-row centre, I looked around at all the drugged-up oblivious faces and I thought to myself… I am so happy I’m conscious. I just kept dancing. If you ever watch Sleigh Bells live, remember… it will almost never get any better than this. Crystal Castles is the reason I wrote almost - Alice Glass gave me her shirt. I might have broken a rib at that show. M83 are groovy. Beats Antique and I sang Bohemian Rhapsody together and it was one of the greatest things I have ever done with another human being. I joined DIIV backstage after their show; they were smoking a joint. I gave The Naked And Famous my gloves because their lead guitarist was really cold and couldn’t play properly. Neon Indian is me on Nintendo 64. I played St. Vincent’s guitar during her solo. Ringo Deathstarr and I are buddies. I met Wild Nothing at a gas station. I hung out with Purity Ring… Megan James has the hots for me; I bought her an ice-cream cone. Trust is just really, really cool. I tackled Starfucker’s panda. This is all cool and stuff but… one of the greatest moments of my life was when I was watching Lotus Plaza play Jet Out Of The Tundra and half way through the song, it started pouring - everyone was wearing ponchos; I was front-row centre and completely soaked. I looked around and everyone looked static due to the rain. Though it was indeed raining a lot, there were clear skies for some reason. Lotus Plaza’s guitars were drenched and they were just plucking away nonchalantly and ever so cool. I just danced, my wet hair danced, my body danced. I was front-row centre, dancing my heart to my favourite song and it was pure ecstasy, man.