I’ve been thinking lately about how little I know about my family. I don’t see them often. I don’t hear them often… but still they are the most important thing in my life. There is an unspoken understanding that needs not any reminding – we’ve got your back, that kind of thing. I really pity those whom have abandoned theirs… or those whom have been abandoned. I might not know much about my family and their interests or opinions but truthfully, I don’t think that matters at all. I currently find myself on my own again, in a new environment, surrounded by new faces. However, I honestly don’t care for anyone here because I have no interest in personally getting involved with anyone on any level. It has become a routine, this - the make friends and lose them conundrum. Romantic or attraction based pursuits, too. I might come off as a tease on many occasions and that’s understandable but it’s very clear to me, I am in love with the most fascinating girl and she is my dream. Nothing compares. Whether or not she is physically in my life is a matter of hope. I might be alienating myself and denying myself temporary pleasure and happiness by cutting out people in my life but it’s like I said, I barely know my family and I know they’ll always be there for me unlike the friends I lost through time. I respect that. Love is permanent pleasure and happiness, something you might never find if you give it up. I must also note that almost everyone in my high-school and college is doing fuck all with their life and they’re stuck in the same old shitty place. I’m more than fine with my life choices. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to book a flight to Monte Carlo.
- Young Leonardo DiCaprio
I don’t really know who I am anymore and I’ve given up on trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I’m pretty much like a cardboard box - inanimate and unimaginative. I haven’t been excited about anything lately. The last time I was both excited and nervous was when I was waiting for a girl. I shouldn’t be saying this; I have spent the past year travelling the world, going to events and fine dining… so in that respect, I’m a spoiled bitch. I can’t really deny that. I am incredibly privileged but I can’t seem to shake off the feeling of loneliness. I really wish I could anticipate things again, that I could be passionate about something again. I never thought one person could affect another so heavily and leave them numb as fuck. I wish love wasn’t this shitty at times.
- N (Your Kermie)
Grunge is Dead
I’ve always received the most unusual yet genuine compliments imaginable. It’s quite charming. To recall, I was once told I had smiling eyes… and that’s one of the most beautiful compliments I’ve ever heard. I’ve been proposed to five times: four girls and one gay guy. Anyway, a special person once told me that I’m a beautiful man; I still have no idea what that is. One girl said I had a gorgeous smile, and so did my Moroccan teacher. Of course, I’ve heard stuff like hot and sexy but they never really meant anything to me. One of my closest friends said I was dreamy… that’s such a 90s phrase and I love it. Oh, and I was told I have the softest skin ever - which is actually quite true. I was also told by many sources that I have the greatest beard ever. I love your voice is also a compliment I hold dear to me. I have an old soul, my physical therapist and friend told me. Those are really cool. I don’t want to come off as pompous by mentioning these but lately, my confidence has suffered quite a lot so I figured writing these down might help a bit. Alas, it doesn’t… the best compliment I’ve ever received was being told the words “I love you”… that never gets old.