There will never be another you. The trees look pretty this time of year; the air feels good. It’s beautiful to be outside; that’s where I am most of the time. I was talking to my roommate today; we share the same heartbroken numbness. There is a beautiful stillness in her; a gently seeping loss of life undertone. Her smile was so true, it was almost sad. Her honeycombed broken voice muffled unconfidently. It showed me the vulnerability of goodness and the pains of being pure at heart. I realized how terribly depressed I really am… drifting aimlessly in loneliness, feeling blue but all dressed in black.
I don’t really know who I am anymore and I’ve given up on trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I’m pretty much like a cardboard box - inanimate and unimaginative. I haven’t been excited about anything lately. The last time I was both excited and nervous was when I was waiting for a girl. I shouldn’t be saying this; I have spent the past year travelling the world, going to events and fine dining… so in that respect, I’m a spoiled bitch. I can’t really deny that. I am incredibly privileged but I can’t seem to shake off the feeling of loneliness. I really wish I could anticipate things again, that I could be passionate about something again. I never thought one person could affect another so heavily and leave them numb as fuck. I wish love wasn’t this shitty at times.
- N (Your Kermie)